My supportive friends in the over 40's section of the forum suggested I share my last reboot post on the success story page. It is with their support and care that I found the courage and determination to turn my life around from being a depressed, impotent, porn wraith to being a human being with lust for life... This is in your honour guys Thank You @Saville @ruggerdoug @40New30 @Musicman 2.0 @Wabi-sabi @Billy B. @titan_transcendence @MarstonS @NUbegennings @Devnul @Gabriel1960 @a short guy & all the other men that inspired me with their sharing and support. Deep gratitude to All the men on here sharing, struggling, supporting. May you find peace... Day 161. And interesting times. The changes are profound. And life reflects it. Thank you for the feedback @40New30 and @Saville . I agree the effects are massive! And @Saville I had the same thoughts around the possible corraling nature of mission statements. And it is a good I process for me as I have avoided making choices for myself for a long time. The numbing effect of 10 solid years of PMO mean that I have not chosen any direction. The process of mission vision and values challenges me in a positive way to start directing my life again. My attitude about the business has changed after the talks of the last weeks. I have done a lot of thinking. And at the moment the business is a good framework for me to finalise the professional goals I set myself some 18 years ago. I set myself the goal in 1999 of restoring a 120 ha Rainforest Nature Reserve that was riddled with exotic plants and on the edge of irreparable decline. I somehow became the manager of that place and was able to help attract a lot of funds to clean up "Broken Head" as it is called and the place is thriving now, the plant communities and wild life are back with a vengeance and the place is saved for ever. Another couple of years are required to finalise the job. I have a lot to learn about cooperation and leadership, I can do that within the business framework. Ultimately it is a supportive environment with good people where I can learn. The business also provides me with a financial cushion and space (3 months of holidays owed) to explore and redirect my life. One of the ways my addictive process worked was that I obsessed over women that looked like my ultimate porn fantasies. They lived in my head as enigma's, ultimate sexual fantasies. There were 3 women that lived in my head like that, Donatella, KK and Gloria. I don't know how it works but I got to date or spend time with them during my reboot. I got to know these fantasy women as real people. Getting to know them I am not sure if I like them as people however attractive they are... Karin has arrived a week ago. It feels good to spend time with her, we laugh a lot reminiscing about our teenage years, belly laughs, tears in our eyes. We both turn 50 over the next month. We are both in a similar place, taking stock and preparing the next chapters of our lives. As I have mentioned before she is the first woman I had sex with back when we were 17. And here she is again now that I am a virgin of sorts since my reboot. And she has deflowered me again. So I am happy to report that the gear works fine despite having hardly any 'wood' over the last 160 days. Yep even 3 times a day, no problem, not as hard as a 17 year old, but it works fine. It all feels very different now, it is touch that gets me hard, hugs and kisses get me hard, and the urge to take her as a man looking her straight in the eye. Some money is coming my way a bit unexpectedly over the next couple of months and some very likely windfalls on the stock market over the next year. Possibly enough to set me up for the rest of my life. Earlier this week I experienced sheer bliss, overwhelming happiness, ecstacy no pill could ever give me. Just driving home from work, listening to music and taking in my surroundings and appreciating life, nothing special, no reason but totally connected. I am shedding a couple of tears now writing this. Tears of relief. Tears of finding trust within myself, trust in the process of rebooting and trust in the process that life is. This is a 180 degree turn in a mere 161 days. And life will go on with its ups and downs and I now know that I can stand up for myself and be there for me and more and more for others too. This is my last post, my reboot is complete, rebooting is the best thing I ever did for myself. And I will be rebooting for the rest of my life too as rebooting is the process of getting closer to my true self, finding trust and taking action to become the best version of me. It is taking charge of my destiny... And that will never stop...
This. You nailed it here. When we quit porn we don't gain magic powers - we just begin coping with life. We learn how to work hard for the future, and at the same time how to enjoy what we've got in the here and now. Your post gave me the perfect boost this morning - I am genuinely, honestly pleased for you. I love success stories, I love hearing guys say they got the girl and their money is in place, too. Good for you. And again, this! It's a spiritual journey. We are heading towards the light. (Whether that light comes from within us, or if He was there all along and we are only able to see it once we are functioning doesn't matter.)
Man ... now I'm crying! I loved reading your story. Well except my middle son's nickname is KK .. THAT WAS a little weird! But seriously @bobjes that is a beautiful story! Rugger
