[113 Days] - Goodbye!

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by livefreeordiehard, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Hi y'all,

    a bit about myself: I'm 26 years old and started watching porn at the age of 16 and became an addict somewhere in between, and I'm still a virgin. I started with pics of naked chicks and one-minute-clips and got more and more into hardcore porn as my internet connection got better and the supply got easier.

    Before my porn usage I was an extroverted, fun guy and the leader of the pack. I was a confident, competitive and somewhat agressive young man who wanted to conquer the world.
    But the porn and the constant orgasming changed it all. I became lazy, socially awkward and stopped caring about anything else than my next fapping session.

    I got fat and depressed. Surprisingly, I still found a woman last month who wanted to shag me. I stopped to PMO for 3-4 days to "save my love for her", and something stranged happened: I got so fucking anxious that I went to the doctor to check on it, I was really worried, and my depression intensified even more than usual!
    I still went to the woman, and you know what comes next, I couldn't get hard. So I watched porn again to check if it was a physiological problem, which is silly, I know now.

    Then I found YBOP and connected the dots. On August the first I stopped to PMO, and my first goal is to last 100 days, then see if I'm ready for the real deal and do it, and my second goal is to never look back when I've accomplished that first goal.

    Other things I started to support my efforts on breaking the addiction:

    * Weight Training ("Starting Strength" by Mark Rippetoe)
    * Paleo Diet

    I'm not fully convinced yet, but hope it will cure me!

    I suffered from the withdrawal symptoms last month, where I changed my fapping pattern from 4 times a day to almost no PMO, but now I will go cold turkey.

    Right now, I'm on the third day and I feel really confident! I can feel that I'm getting better. But I'm flatlining pretty bad also...
    but I'm ok with it, I will use the time to get my head straight, and to focus to get my old attitude back.

    Time to get back on track!
     
  2. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Hi, Livefree!

    Welcome and good luck!
     
  3. fedup

    fedup New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Welcome to the fold.
    I'm about 12 weeks into "Stong Lifts"- very similar program to "Starting Strength". Very humbling going back to square one, but has been very rewarding as well. In conjunction, I've been watching all the simple carbs... lots of protien, veggies & fruits, nuits...
     
  4. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    I'm seven days into reboot, going strong so far.

    I have muscle hangover due to the training, but apart from that no withdrawal symptoms, nothing. I feel a little insecure, but that's psychological because I'm flatlining, it'll pass.
    I had 2 boners so far, one in the shower yesterday and one this morning. Both times I felt super relaxed which I think was the reason I had them.

    Although I don't get boners I sometimes have the urge to cum, is this normal during reboot? I hope I won't get PE after the reboot...
     
  5. Forgive Me

    Forgive Me tmrw belongs to people who prepare for it today!

    Re: Restart Life

    Welcome to the forum.

    Dont worry about the flatline, it will pass. I actually really enjoy flatlining becuase my mind is not full of sex and i can focus on other things in life.

    I have flatlined a couple of times to be honest. The first time scared the hell out of me, i thought my penis was dead and went straight away and masturbated to some porn.

    Dont make the same mistake i did. Just keep going an know that it is all part of the process.
     
  6. risefromtheashes

    risefromtheashes New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Congrats on going a full week! And congrats on the new diet and exercise. I'm 5'8 and got up to 195 last spring. Right now I'm at about 167 and I have another 10-15 lbs I want to lose. Having that new body does wonders for your confidence and ability to put PMO behind you so stick to it.

    Flat-lining sucks for sure, but at the same time embrace it! That is your brain healing itself! When I start to flatline I have done two things that have helped me snap out of it and feel...on top of the world! First, if there is something I know I need to do, something that I have been putting off, I do that. Second, I find someone, anyone, a friend, a family member, a co-worker, and I send them an email thanking them for something or just letting them know how much I appreciate the role they play in my life. Without exception, every time I have done this I feel closer to that person and their responses are always very taken back and sincere. That is a rush man. You feel like a champion and in moments like that PMO just seems so beneath you. So anyway that is how I like to take a flatline and flip it around on itself.

    Good luck to you!
     
  7. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    I agree that the flatlining isn't the problem.

    The problems IMO will come when I'm able to get erections again and then have to go for another 50-60 days without stimulation. This will be hard for me (no pun intended, lol).
     
  8. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Day 14:

    I kinda hate that I'm so asexual at the moment. I want to get horny again goddammit. The flatlining starts to scare me, how long will I suffer from that? Also, is this an on and off thing, or am I cured after I've overcome the flatline?

    At least my diet and my training works, I lost 10 pounds in those two weeks.
     
  9. Forgive Me

    Forgive Me tmrw belongs to people who prepare for it today!

    Re: Restart Life

    Dont worry about the flatline mate.

    Just ride it out. Try to even enjoy it. Its nice not being controlled by your sexual urges.

    Even if your in a flatline for a month dont despair. I Have been up and down in flatlines but now i am feeling great. Actually i noticed my libido is lower from no PMO. But when i want to have sex with my wife my erections are stronger than ever.
     
  10. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Shit.

    I relapsed today to a craigslist ad of hot hooker and instantly orgasmed.

    I literally came by just touching my dick. I had my open hand lying on my dick for 5 seconds and that was enough to O like a fountain.

    I never Oed to hooker ads before... and I never came so fast (this frightens me really).
    Just found out that they're a huge trigger for me aswell.

    Fuck.

    I don't know if I should reset my counter though. It was one weak minute - 20 days of no PMO surely didn't vanish by that incident, I hope.
     
  11. Zorman

    Zorman New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Hi livefreeordiehard! Thats a shame that you relapsed, but I don't think it will have undone your entire 19 days of progress. Also I think it is encouraging that you got so incredibly aroused so easily after only 20 days. I still havnt managed to regain that level of arousal after 114 days, but things are improving slowly so I am happy :)

    By the way, you almost certainly arent flatlining. You are getting spontaneous erections and orgasms. Flatlining is when your dick is dead, and I mean dead. You don't get an erection for anything. No morning wood and certainly no erections in the shower. You have zero libido and feel that no woman in the world could turn you on. After a while you start to worry if you will ever become a functional man again. You may also feel very depressed, down & withdrawn and not feel like talking to people.

    Pick yourself up and carry on bud :) you are doing really well!
     
  12. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    The weird thing is, when I see a sexy chick on the street, I have almost no reaction, but when I see a similar girl on the web posing on a few pics, I'll get a boner.
     
  13. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Wait... isn't the point to not look at pics?
     
  14. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    You can't avoid looking at pictures. I'm not talking about nudity. For example when I'm on 9gag.com and someone posts a posing cosplay girl etc.
     
  15. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Re: Restart Life

    You may not like it, but that may mean that you may have to forego visiting 9gag.. if it stimulates you, it stimulates you. It doesn't have to be porn per se.

    During rebooting you have to be in a state of self-denial. That means you deliberately don't trigger your reward system. You want to avoid stuff that counteracts your reboot. Same for eating lots of sugar-food. That's a big trigger for me. A few days of overeating on chocolate and I relapse. Can't help it.

    Overall, realise that the entire reboot process is a learning process. You've just started so you're learning a lot of things by experience. At the same time, you also find yourself worrying a lot. It's normal. I've been rebooting for over a year and today I blew my longest streak of 118 days. But I no longer feel really sad about those things as it provides a learning lesson for me. For instance, it seems I finally figured out how sensitive I am to overloading on sugar..

    About you orgasming that quickly with so little stimulation: that's normal as well. Abstinence increases sensitivity. It's a good thing, that will allow you to have sex with a condom, for example. Maybe you've treated your dick a bit harshly through the years by masturbating vigorously or with a hard grip. I did, and I wouldn't feel that much when having sex with a woman because of it. Premature ejaculation can happen, but only the first few times until you get adjusted.

    My big piece of advice here is that relapses are part of the reboot. I've had dozens but I get this stuff better under control each month. Sometimes there are bad periods, sometimes you're sailing smoothly for weeks. Just don't get discouraged by the amount of time/effort it seems to take. You will get there as long as you keep going!
     
  16. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    You're right.

    I have to keep all virtual triggers far away from me.
     
  17. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    So, that's it, I'm resetting my counter. I won't trick myself by saying that once won't do any harm.

    I WILL go 100 days without sexual stimulation.

    And only then I will check if I still have ED, or even PE.
     
  18. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    Good for you dude! I wanted to tell you to do so, but who am I but a lowly 2-dayer? ;]
     
  19. livefreeordiehard

    livefreeordiehard New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    The relapse really made me insecure.

    Will I have problems with PE when the reboot is over? I came so friggin fast... Oh god, my brain is messing with me all the time during reboot...
     
  20. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Restart Life

    The PE is also my biggest concern... what if I get a chick in bed and then I blow my load 5 seconds in? I'm always thinking of how to solve that situation, so far my best answer is to just make fun of myself with her, say something like "give me 10 mins and then I'll make awesome love to you all night long ;) ),cuddle for a bit with her and then go for round 2. Historically I've always lasted much longer for round 2 (nothing ingenious here, lol), I could hold it in for at least 5 minutes.

    What do you think of that idea?
     

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