100-days of no PMO

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Dukha, Aug 21, 2012.

  1. zman

    zman New Member

    Dukkaha,

    I have also noted a difference in the way I look at women. It feels good not to simply eye them as a piece of meat for my solo pleasure...

    If I understand your post, you may be having a problem similar to mine. At least for me, when I focus too much on the no PMO thing, especially writing about it so much, it sometimes creates triggers for me-- you know, just thinking about M or not M makes when won't to consider doing it. "The urge to flip the switch" as you term it. That urge is always present if I spend too much time here and obsess about things sexual (which in no way diminishes the value of contributing here) it's just good for me to recognize that too much time here may not be good for me.

    Keep on resisting the urge! 8)
     
  2. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Dukkha, I always really enjoy your posts mate!
    You summed it up superbly.
    That's PERFECTION right there brother! Seriously. I just want to keep re-reading that, because it's so true to me.

    Keep on keepin' on! :)
     
  3. Dukha

    Dukha Guest

    Day 9.

    Hello chaps, thanks again for the words, it's always good to hear from you.

    Zman - yes, the triggering aspect could be a problem, but right now i think it's very important to be on here interacting and as long as I can hold the overarching dedication to stopping porn use being sometimes triggered by the amount of reflection being done is something I hope I, and you, can live with.

    JDoe - glad to hear it chimed with you mate, it's something that I want to really focus on.


    So I'm going to be quite brief this morning as I don't want to spend anywhere near the time online that I spent yesterday, partly due to being busy with work matters, but also because spending 4 hours surfing (including here though) is not how I want to be living.

    Great meditation this morning, apartment is tidy and a couple of people to see later on so I'm ready to delve into the work and be busy doing beneficial things today.

    I've been considering a little more the way in which I view women, and especially the split between what I actually think, feel and believe and the way in which I make associations in my mind. I have full respect for women - more so than men in many ways - and I appreciate their otherness, their femininity and their beauty, but what happens in my mind when I interact with them is not aligned with this outlook. I generally hold them off in a place where they could be potentially used for sex and there's something of a power thing going on deep down I think - almost as if whatever might happen between us I could still be in control of them through sex. This is tied up with porn, obviously, where the women are always only there to be used for sex - they have no other purpose.

    I'm starting to really understand how deeply porn use has infiltrated my entire life. It's something I need to look into in more depth, but I believe that this habit, which I've always known is fairly harmful activity, might just actually be the source of many of my problems.

    Again no urge to use porn this morning other than the usual background hum, which I hope is gradually subsiding...

    May we all be finding strength and clarity in our day today, keeping free from what harms us and moving towards healthy, truthful living where we might grow and expand into the full potential of what we can be.

    Over and out for now.
     
  4. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Guilty of this, I'm afraid. And going through the reboot, I can't help but think like this. But the think is, in doing this, you're just transferring the objectification from women on a screen to women in real life.

    This is an articulate way of putting it. Definitely the next stage of my development in this journey.
     
  5. Dukha

    Dukha Guest

    Day 10.

    Hey Pedigree - yeah man, I've been thinking yesterday that this is definitely part of the deal. I'm aware of a feeling that I'm might somehow emasculate myself by not letching at women, ie. diminishing my sexual side somehow, but the truth is the opposite I think. I move through the town I live in essentially scanning women and locking on when I see something I like, staring at some tits or whatever and then moving on. Not healthy, not conducive to mental well-being. Appreciation is one thing, but I essentially download and mentally store female bodies I see in the day to day, much like trawling through porn sites.

    Funny to come home last night having broken one of my planned disciplines - not drinking - last night after going out with friends, to return home a bit drunk, check emails and then come to this site instead of looking at porn. I found myself at 1am thinking 'what the fuck? This is like I was in the PMO days, but without the PMO...' Went to bed, woke up hungover but happy to be not even slightly tempted when drunk last night, a new development.

    I'm aware things can change in an instant but right now I feel that my challenge is really going to start after 45 days as right now I'm aware of some background cravings but am essentially solid knowing that I'm being good to myself. Having recently taken 45 days out from the porn circus I almost feel that 45 days is my 'back to zero' day, but 10 days in I'll take as a good start.

    I hope you're all good out there and making headway with whichever way you're heading.
     
  6. Dukha

    Dukha Guest

    Day 11.

    Feeling great, gonna have a smashing day of work and getting chores done after some time being lethargic and unfocussed recently.

    Hope you're all keeping it locked down and moving forward.

    "Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture."
    --Russell Baker
     
  7. Mystery

    Mystery New Member

    Hey Dukkha,

    Good to know you are feeling great and getting stuff done. Especially good to know you avoided PMO after indulging in a little drinking.

    While you may view 45 days as your "back to zero" day, I think it will be a huge achievement as you already know the expansion you felt after the meditaion retreat and the 45 days off PMO. Then again, it will indeed be a new start to you experiencing life with your "mojo."

    Be well,
    -M
     
  8. Dukha

    Dukha Guest

    Day 12.

    Good to hear from you Mystery and to see that you're still trucking along.

    No temptation to look today, or last night after once again returning home with some booze in me, though I caught myself clicking on a youtube video that I knew could be triggering. It's a sneaky little thing this, like pretending I'm not entering the actual building because I'm just popping in through a side door for a quick look. Well, Elvis has left the building and is now turning off the computer.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBmAPYkPeYU
     
  9. zman

    zman New Member

    Good for you Dukkha!

    Sounds like you've got a good handle on things.

    Stay strong.
     
  10. Dukha

    Dukha Guest

    14 days. A nice little milestone.

    Been all good for the last little while.

    I'm going to check in here less as I've not got anything to report to myself or to anybody reading here really at the moment.

    I'll certainly be back soon, but only if i feel the need to process or check in. Could be within the hour!

    Main thoughts about porn at the moment are really sadness at how much time I've handed over to something I've never really liked, and how I've allowed this something to infiltrate my life so deeply. I'm not having any cravings for it right now, as the benefits of not using for even two weeks feel immense - none of the superhero stuff people on here talk about, but good clear improvements in my self-image and increased care for what has been a quite damaged behaviour pattern over the many years.

    Being less active on this forum is the right way for me at the moment, as I'm trying to not be so active on the net generally and want to dedicate more time to my meditation practice, completely away from analysing what's going on for me in regards to porn. I feel that it'll allow me to distance myself from it more as this place has almost become a surrogate for porn use. I am absolutely not running this forum down, it is the best tool I've found for kicking PMO after ybop and I'm hugely grateful for it, I just think it's time for me to step away for a bit, or at least check in a bit less often.

    I hope you're all doing all you can to become the person you want to be. It's a combination of choice and dedication and healthy self-love I think, and we all have infinite scope for growth and enlightenment.

    Practice kindness, and be well!
     
  11. JDoe

    JDoe No amount of pixels is ever gonna love you back...

    Great stuff as always mate.
    Though the selfish part of me will miss having you around as often, I fully support you in doing whatever you have to do - and it sounds like time away from the computer is a step on that path.
    Love and light, brother! :)
     
  12. Prinster

    Prinster New Member

    Hi there
    Another inspirational read, thank you for writing so often and clearly. My journey is in its infancy and I am determined to see it through. We have similar paths for recovery with exercise and time away from the net. I really want to do some form of meditation but currently have no work so no cash to join groups etc, do you have any suggestions for home meditation?

    Keep the faith and keep being inspirational to us all.
     

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