100 days! How I did it after trying for 4 years, and the amazing benefits.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by et-ow-1, Mar 11, 2017.

  1. et-ow-1

    et-ow-1 New Member

    I've finally succeeded at overcoming this major issue in my life. 7 years of destruction are finished.

    For 4 years I tried to reach 90 days.
    I have have reached day 21, 30, 40, etc., many times. In this streak I reached day 70 for the first time and started to experience a GREAT change in my brain and body and life. I'd never experienced this before in all my time on NoFap. The real change that we all seek on NoFap actually begun.

    There are so many benefits to list but here's some:
    1. Completely happier.
    2. Emotions more powerful, intense feelings, including sadness.
    2. Intellect is sharper, I'm wittier, better memory. Vivid flashbacks of my life have been coming - I'd forgotten so much and didn't even know.
    3. Not afraid to look at people and talk to people.
    4. Have energy to do things. I want to get up in the morning. I'm excited for tomorrow. Am capable of anything. Not worrying so much about things, like what I'm going to do if this or that happens, because now I'm more able to handle situations.
    5. Music is way better. Enjoying video games way more. Food tastes way better. Movies are more enjoyable.
    6. Physical appearance vastly bettered. Eyes brighter and larger and more colorful. Skin is a healthy color now. Acne all gone (I've had it since 13 and only now after this streak has it gone). Body strengthened and looks fuller, muscular, better proportioned.
    7. Physically fitter and stronger. I can zip around and do things so fast, moving at the speed of light one second and then completely slow down the next without becoming breathless... I'm fit like how I was as a child.
    8. Can focus on things with my eyes. Also I can see more details before me, like I'm walking down the street and see every detail, the reflection of a building in a window whilst looking at a person walking in front of me.
    9. I laugh much more and am enjoying humor more.

    The change that I started experiencing was none other than my life returning after being hidden for 7 years (nearly 8 years). To think, I was dead for all those years and didn't even know it!

    If you have only ever gotten around 30 days, or 50, or even 60, I don't think you've yet experienced the true change that takes place after a long time of celibacy (BTW this is 100 days hard mode).

    HOW I SUCCEEDED: The reason I succeeded this time after failing for the last 4 years is by using a single technique that I first started using at the beginning of this streak, which I will share now: Flee from all temptations! Don't try to fight temptations, run away from all of them! This means:
    Stop looking at women's bodies when you're walking down the street, focus on their faces.
    Stop fantasizing about sex, or sexual situations.
    Stop thinking about sex and sexuality completely.
    Stop watching sexually charged music videos.
    Stop watching sex scenes.
    Stop looking at lingerie ads.
    Flee from sexual situations.
    Flee from sexual triggers.
    Avoid arousal.

    This technique is what has been always employed by men since ancient times, and it is still what's taught by people today. For example, here's two guys who are teaching it as well: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/...ousal-method-celibacy-of-body-and-mind.14525/
    Someone else has discovered this technique: "I have been having my best success yet and feel the most balanced by adopting a mindset of no sexual arousal at all. Peeking delays recovery. Thinking about sex delays recovery. I feel that now. I am in a place where I push any sexual thought out of my mind instantly. Its working well."

    This is Christian theologians promoting the exact same technique. I think it's very enlightening, so even if you don't believe in Christianity, it's still good to read:
    "Man should escape from it; he should not stay to reason about it; to debate the matter; or even to contend with his propensities, and to try the strength of his virtue. There are some sins which a man can resist; some about which he can reason without danger of pollution. But this is a sin where a man is safe only when he flies; free from pollution only when he refuses to entertain a thought of it; secure when he seeks a victory by flight, and a conquest by retreat. Let a man turn away from it without reflection on it and he is safe. Let him think, and reason, and he may be ruined."
    "There is no way of avoiding the pollution but in the manner prescribed by Paul; there is no man safe who will not follow his direction. How many a young man would be saved from poverty, want, disease, curses, tears, and hell, could these two words be made to blaze before him like the writing before the astonished eyes of Belshazzar Daniel 5, and could they terrify him from even the momentary contemplation of the crime." "The only safety in such temptations is flight"
    "“Flee fornication”—other sins may be combated; this must be fled, as by Joseph in Potiphar’s house." "Flee fornication. In the battle against sensual sins, there is no victory except in absolute flight"
    "The apostle cometh to a new argument, by which he presseth them to flee the sin of uncleanness. It is observed by some, that this sin is peculiarly to be resisted, not so much by resisting it, and pondering arguments against it, as by flying from it, avoiding all occasions of it, and not suffering our thoughts to feed upon it"

    If you don't like reading Christian stuff, skip this paragraph.
    Apart from the technique I talked about above, the Lord has helped me get this far, His grace and mercy has allowed me to recover, and He has blessed me greatly in giving me the regained and restored life. I'm not good at prayer at all (I'm trying to get better, though), but I think praying for His help has helped me, too.

    You have to understand that your brain has been changed by PMO, and that your brain needs to undergo another change to return to it's normal state. By not going down the same old neuropathways by looking at sexual pictures and thinking sexual thoughts, you start to make these neuropathways starve. You stop using them and they go out of business.

    I think that all the motivational posts, the reasons people give themselves to stop PMO, the countless posts arguing why PMO is bad, will never be enough to make someone stop PMO. I think that the addiction is so strong that when one is being tempted and doesn't get away from it, that they will give in no matter what motivational quote is told them. Now I'm not saying that all the motivational stuff is not helpful, just that the only thing that worked for me was the technique I explained above.

    If you've resolved many times to finally stop PMO and are still falling back, you are doing something wrong. I experienced the same thing, and it was ONLY when I changed tactics and employed the "flee fornication" technique that I stopped PMO.

    Here's some advice. Stop thinking that you will change your bad habits "one day", that you will start changing your life for the better "one day". You need to do it now. You CAN do it now. Take the first step now.

    If you've failed many times trying to succeed, and it's even been many years of failure, don't lose hope. Look at me. I was just like you and I overcame this.

    If you've heard that hard mode is excessive, or that doing NoFap doesn't really help, don't believe it. Semen retention is so essential to a man's life. Not only that, but a life filled with pornography and sexual stimulation, sexual thinking, fantasizing, oogling, etc. actually changes one's brain and brings down our quality of life substantially. I think this may be a major reason why many men today wonder why they were so happy and bright as children, but after they hit puberty they weren't anymore.

    By the way, the changes haven't stopped coming. More and more my strength and life
    is increasing, and it seems it will never end. Maybe after 7 years I will come full circle and be completely returned to normal? Or maybe it will happen sooner than that? I don't really know how this works in detail. And sorry for this post being so long. I've tried my best to edit it.
    Yùtù, Gbabe2765, positivef and 6 others like this.
  2. Anewlife

    Anewlife Member

    thank you for this post .. i wish i was as strong as you to not look at real women been trying for more than 2 years but didnt sucseed yet.

    do you think you can have regular sex while on no arousal? i can get good erections for it but experience depression and lethargy after regular O's

    thank you
  3. shattered

    shattered Member

    Great post, wish this person would have stuck around the forum.
  4. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    I wish too as well.... @shattered I can tell you from experience, that once a person gets recovered mentally and has no more symptoms, the person seems to forget about PMO and the pain that was associated with it, because life becomes much more enjoyable. This is exactly what happened with me. In July 2015 I completely recovered and felt amazing, so I didn't go on these forums from 2015 up until March 2018, cause thats when withdrawals hit me again. In my case, the error was my life was so good, mentally clear, everything amazing, that I forgot how bad PMO was for me, so I kept PMOing, hence why I had PMO withdrawals from Feb - May 2018, now I'm at 102 days and feel absolutely amazing. All the points he has listed, I am feeling. Superpowers are amazing. But this time, the difference is, I'm never going to underestimate PMO, because the 3 months I suffered in 2018 of withdrawals were hell on earth for me man. I will not surrender to this devil ever AGAIN>
  5. Mickeymouse

    Mickeymouse Well-Known Member

    You guys believe on the fact that excessive PMO causes hairfall and aged look?
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    What a valuable post! Thanks for bringing it up again, guys.

    @auzzie_mikey : do you agree with the fleeing from all temptations? How is it to deal with that after 100 days? Does it get easier?
    Pearl Gourami likes this.
  7. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    I applaud you for going as long as you have. If you have a system that is working for you, I think you should share it with others, but I wonder about the long-term effectiveness, or hit to the healthy parts of your life, of fleeing from everything.
    I have a slightly different take, but won't post it all here as a counterargument. If you'd like to read it, I have it up on my site: https://recoveringpornaddict.com/2018/03/19/facing-triggers-makes-you-stronger/
  8. auzzie_mikey

    auzzie_mikey Well-Known Member

    Gilgamesh, it doesn't get any easier. I avoid looking at chicks and don't even make eye contact with them. They can sense superpowers inside me and always try to touch my legs or seduce me on the train, it actually frustrates and aggravates me, I cant explain how much it affects me.
  9. Pearl Gourami

    Pearl Gourami Member

    Wow! This is a very inspiring post. I also want to set a target of 144 days - hard mode as you have said. We often excuse the softer temptations and the soft slowly but surely becomes hard and leads to hard core websites.
  10. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    I just want to nominate this sentence for the YBR Hall of Fame.
  11. Freedom from Servitude

    Freedom from Servitude Active Member

    I noticed this story when Pearl had recently bumped up the thread, and your post, Joshua, particularly stood out to me. Having been long term sober hard mode in the past and feeling that this approach wasn't working, I relate to what you write. The OP is right in the sense that tightly responding to triggers and closing off sexuality is an effective way get an initial recovery streak going. For people like myself who are single, this is the only way we can sustain a celibate lifestyle as any focus on sexual energy can easily lead to being overwhelmed by a tsunami. However, in the long term, celibacy is simply unsustainable. It can be unhealthy and the repressed sexual energy can push us back towards porn. I say this as somebody who is 3.5 years sober from hardcore porn, the first two years of which were in hard mode. Over that period of enforced celibacy, I developed sexual anorexia and I think sexual repression created other anxiety related issues in the psyche. Sometimes the ongoing battle that every man gets when they starve themselves of a sexual release long enough is more trouble than it is worth. As I found myself, trying hard to push myself back from relapsing on several occasions lately I made the decision to engage in mindful masturbation, also as a way of tackling some issues I have developed around sex. I found that it immediately helped stabilise the situation. I don't feel any more tempted to look at porn because it was so different from the unhealthy masturbation practices that I used to engage in years ago.

    The point that I have arrived at and I have been drifting towards over the past year is how to reconcile the legitimate need for sexual expression with the 'Nofap' ideology. When I first effectively entered recovery, I believed that my sexual urges would just disappear, in particular my cravings to watch porn. They didn't. Complete abstinence isn't a permanent lifestyle. We need to give our brains a rest from sexual stimulation for a while, but, if we wish to stay off porn in the long run, we need to find ways to express our sexuality in healthy ways. For those of us who haven't been able to get into a relationship, masturbation in moderation, providing it has nothing to do with sexual fantasy and porn, is a perfectly healthy way to explore natural sexuality. I feel compelled to comment because of the unscientific anti-masturbation ideas evident in this post which are also rampant across the web on the Nofap forums. I think that there is something to semen retention, and I too have noticed the boost of energy that you get when abstaining ( though I have never been convinced by claims that this miraculously makes women more interested in you, instead of other things that are being done in recovery). I think the key compromise to make there is to place a limit on the number masturbation sessions, in order for it not to have such an energetic drain. I have had to battle through a lot of built up anxiety over masturbation partly as a result of my involvement with these forums over the years. This is not me looking for someone to blame and I have gained so much from being involved with forums like this one online . I just feel that there is absence of a variety of viewpoints on this particular issue is unhelpful.
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019
    positivef, Merton and Doper like this.
  12. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    Yeah, many people are taking NOFAP too far (or twisting it into something unrecognizable), and some people in particular are off the charts and will almost certainly regret it as future old men. The only people that have to do hardmode are those with PIED, anyone who doesn't have PIED gets to immediately skip the worst, time-wasting, soul destroying, mental problem inducing part (possibly saving themselves months or years), and go right to what should be the main goal, which is socializing, sleeping with and cultivating relationships with women. Going about things any other way is plain nuts.

    If you have PIED:
    -If you relapse (sorry pal back to square one, you just wasted months or years of your life)
    -you can't have sex (you will either put yourself back in flatline or your dick didn't work in the first place)
    -can't masturbate to orgasm (slows reboot, causes flatline)

    If you don't have PIED:
    -If you relapse (IMO, WHO GIVES A SHIT.....but why would you relapse, go get laid)
    -You CAN HAVE SEX (congratulations.....so why are you spending so much mental energy worrying about porn addiction, live your goddamn life)
    -can masturbate ( Very little downside, but again why....GO GET LAID)

    The only people that should be at risk of mental problems or wasting ungodly amounts of their life doing hardmode, are people with PIED. But IMO, there are a ton of people who think porn is causing them untold emotional problems even if they only watch it once a month or whatever, when in fact it is unending repression of healthy sexuality with no real goal in mind that is the problem.
    Here are some options for those with different proclivities that can be enacted TONIGHT:

    You don't have PIED:
    -Go to church and meet a church girl.
    -Go to any place women are and hit them up.
    -Dating site: Regular girl.
    -Dating site: Fat horny girl. (my immediate preference)
    -Escort (high end)
    -Escort (medium to low end) (my second preference)
    - Street hooker (You might get lucky)
    - Masturbate
    - Relapse (the only thing you shouldn't do)

    You do have PIED:
    - Be a sad panda. (but not too sad, because if you relapse you'll be a sad panda for a fuck of a lot longer.)
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2019
    Deleted User, Merton and baywalker like this.
  13. Joshua Shea

    Joshua Shea Well-Known Member

    Very well said. They need to sit with a therapist and figure out with this is about because it's a symptom of a much larger issues.
    positivef, Merton and baywalker like this.
  14. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    PIED is not a reason to feel sorry for yourself or an excuse not to have a sexual intimate relationship with someone.
    Rebootian and Merton like this.
  15. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Well that's just the thing. There is "no real goal in mind" because all the sexuality is infused into the porn world, or the compulsive sexual way of life. The "animal side" is numbed out, satisfied, asleep (it thinks it's the alpha male in prehistoric times with multiple women ..... only it's actually multiple tabs available).

    You gotta cut the input of porn in order to wake up that animal (and not let him go back to the porn well), so it does eventually set a new goal. If you just keep on porning, even without acute PIED, you're gonna be mellow, sad and unsatisfied. And that way, it's rarely gonna stay at just "once a month".

    The only reason IMO "these people only watch it once a month", is because they put in all they're energy in order to cut it out completely. If they would be lenient with it, and stop "repressing they're sexuality" this way, they would soon watch it multiple hours a day, everyday. In other words go back to where they were before they decided it's much better to quit this.

    I mean, look I have definitely not "repressed" my sexuality during my teens and 20s, I gave myself all the permissions in the world. And yet I was watching so much damn porn. Even when I had a GF. Porn just gave me an excuse not to work on all my problems. Maybe the only nuance here would be that I did not dare explore my more intimate fantasies with my GF (so I guess this shows a shame and lack of acceptance of them). Maybe that was, indeed, a repression of my sexuality. But it's cause I lacked the necessary intimacy. And I'm sure watching more porn sure wouldn't have helped with that !

    What I mean is that even if you don't have severe ED, it's important not to watch porn, at all, if you think you are seriously addicted to it. If you let yourself watch it a little, it will often suck you back in. I tried the moderate path of porn, and it usually never worked and often made me act out further.

    And the whole "work on what's under the addiction" I am a HUGE believer in that. BUT ... one must be very careful not to use that as an excuse to indulge in the addiction while he is "working on what's under it". I mean this kind of thinking can easily be used by the addicted part in us in order to keep acting out. It's very important to stop acting out. And yes, in the same time, work on what's beneath the need to act out. In my opinion.
    Merton and Pete McVries like this.
  16. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    @Gil79 - Of course one would be quite the piece of work to feel sorry for themselves about something they are 100% responsible, I just meant you're locked out of all the options afforded to the non-ED people. On your second point, I've done it, it's stressful and I'd recommend just doing hardmode and focusing on getting one's life together, unless they find they just continuously relapse because they have no other outlet (this in my opinion, is the main factor separating the two groups). If there is one thing that is going to make someone relapse, it is servicing the girl he is with without release, after a while even the most disciplined are going to go insane, better to shutdown and flatline. It's easy if you're already in a relationship...If one has never had any experience with any of this then, you know....

    @Thelongwayhome27 - I've never said I think it's okay for anyone on this site to dabble in porn, you should be rolling around on the floor like a dope addict without a hit before you relapse, but for the non-ED people, it's not the end of the world, and your way of dealing with a relapse is more important than whether it happened or not. Extreme unhelpful shame or learning experience. For ED people, it literally is almost the end of the world.
    By repressing sexuality I exclusively mean doing hard mode and wasting precious time. I don't see watching porn as healthy sexuality, or have anything to do with being horny. The feeling I get when I'm fiending for porn is a completely different entity than the feeling I get when I see a hot chick I want to fuck or am about to. The former is the same feeling you get when you want a drug, the latter as you mentioned is animalistic, and aggressive. The former is an immature, childlike "I WANT IT NOW", like the Willy Wonka girl. The latter is pure testosterone: I'm gonna take risks to get WHAT I WANT NOW. The latter is a healthy sex-drive, the former is drug-drive.
    It's a strange idea to me that people without PIED could at the same time have the same complete lack of healthy sexdrive (the animal is asleep), but you sure describe it well. This feeling is most important to actually make one approach and confidence .But I don't find one has to be very horny at all to perform when things are actually functioning.
    I'm just gonna cut this short and say all I've really been trying to say: Go get laid, hit up tinder, bang some 6's, even if you're not attracted to them, get some experience, get some confidence, have fun, enjoy yourself. Better today than tomorrow. It's almost all that matters. We're gonna die sooner than later, and every day we focus on staying away from porn instead of the shit that's eating us up and is the cause of the addiction is another day we calcify a little bit more. There is no reason to relapse if your weewee works. If you feel a relapse is imminent then go fuck hookers, get a massage, DO ANYTHING.....And if one is so anxious around women that seeing an escort is really scary, then I would definitely suggest it, it may turn out to be just what you need and have a very positive effect.
    A divisive issue I'm sure but I'm firmly planting my flag as anything is better and less pathetic than ------.
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2019
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I think it doesn't matter if it is because of your own actions or not. Feeling sorry for yourself or saying things like being 'locked out of all options afforded to the non-ED people' is just keeping you in a state of helplessness. If that is your mindset (being a sad panda) you'll never get out of it. Using ED as an excuse not to have a relationship is a flower from the same garden. It is your own choice not to do so, but your withholding yourself the intimacy with a partner that everyone deserves. Putting your penis in a vagina is just one aspect of that. There are guys here that have started a relationship whilst having ED, and recovered from it along the way. If you keep waiting for the right moment, you'll keep waiting your whole life, because the right moment just doesn't exist. You live right now. Seize it. Easy to say, because I don't have ED? I have suffered from PE whole my life. It is basically the same thing: you can't put your penis in a vagina for any significant time or pleasure of the woman. Is it embarassing? Yes. Is it worth it to try anyway? Definitely.
  18. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Amazing post! I need to keep this in my head. Speaking on Christianity a priest told me in confession to stop the thought process in its pregnancy
  19. Merton

    Merton Well-Known Member

    This is a great thread. One thing it just made me realize is that I have severe pied. Not only do I not get erections in real life but I also have zero desire to have sex. This has developed into more or less a phobia. Of course there are underlying issues that make this more complicated but I now see that a part of this could be the fact that for the last three years my wife and I have been on a schedule of having sex to try to have a child. I have not had any chance really to get a break from it and heal. Normally I would say that having real sex would only help with porn addiction but probably not in my case where I keep dreading the next encounter where it is nearly impossible to arouse myself.

    thanks for the discussion guys. I haven’t thought in the past that this could be another piece of the puzzle but maybe it is.
    positivef likes this.
  20. This is great. Thank you for sharing! I agree with the no arousal method approach to getting free. It's not like you'll avoid women. It's a shift in your mindset that you won't lust after women and therefore won't be triggered so easily. Once you get enough recovery you'll find that looking into a woman's eyes is much more powerful, connecting and enjoyable than looking at her body.

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