Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by igrow, Jun 1, 2020.
You're doing great!
Day 29 - Success
Crazy time of life. Trying to go through this detox and rewiring at possibly the most challenging point of life to date.
Its okay. Pressure and tough times can lead to growth.
Get through this and you'll be bullet proof.
Turn 30 going through this and getting your shit together - huge success. huge self belief can come from that.
leave these wastes of times in the past. leave these emotional crutches in the past. leave these behaviours and dependencies in the past and tackle everything you have to tackle.
fuck porn. fuck being weak. fuck letting yourself down.
there is no time to stay and wallow in self pity and contempt.
be all you can fucking be and get strong.
back against the wall time.
the stakes are far far too high.
YOUR BRAIN NEEDS TO BE AT ITS BEST! IT WILL BE HARD! THERE WILL BE CHALLENGES. THERE WILL BE MOOD SWINGS. MOMENTS OF LETHARGY, DEPRESSION, HUGE ANXIETY.
THOSE ARE THE TIMES TO GET THROUGH.
RELAPSING DURING THOSE EXPECTED SHITTY MOMENTS WILL DELAY THE JOURNEY.
FUCK THAT AND GET THROUGH IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.
Day by day.
Day 30 - Success
Busy day. Successful day. Stressful day.
Perhaps more stringent measures are needed for a complete detox. I notice patterns - when the addict isn't getting the porn it wants, its still trying to create ways to get that dopamine hit.
Sometimes waves of anxiety and loneliness are hitting me. Big waves, will lear to surf.
More stormy seas.
I am and will be prepared.
Its just the beginning.
More self talk, more discipline.
Its all worth it.
Cant forget how bad it was 30 days back. Just because at times the struggle has eased doesn't mean its gone. Been here before a couple of times and slipped so far back you forgot here exists.
No complacency. No letting yourself down. No going backwards.
Day by day
Day 31 - Success
Going strong. If I'm honest with myself- always should be! Then I think I need to add a few things to the process. Design my own hard mode of sorts.
Make sure its a clean break and a full reset. Maybe switch to a flip phone for a while, or limit phone use to an hour a day. Really get my brain offline. Of course. With work and stressful situations it isn't always possible. More the reason to make these changes. If the stress is high, the likelihood to procrastinate or try to find unhealthy options for the brain to binge on or distract itself with...
All problems must be faced and tackled.
No more avoiding, with porn, or sexy youtube videos or sexting. Sexting is a dangerous one. It can be disguised as a friendship or attention craving. Maybe similar to other guys who have webcam girl issues.
Either way unhealthy. If there is even a trace in your mind now of 'should i shouldn't i' then dont. cut it out and start the hard mode.
Day by day.
Day 32 - Success -
The further you go the more vigilant you need to become.
Slips happen after 30 days, after 40 after 80.
You can not become complacent and you can not allow other circumstances to take priority over the main focus here for the next 100 days.
This is the main task. Ignore these tools at your own demise.
MORE REMINDERS OF WHY.
Friend/Sexted her in the past - popped up today and tried to start exchanging. The thought crossed my mind to 'help her out' ... WHAT?!
The mind plays tricks. The past two days I've been 'too busy to journal properly' and low and behold.
The addict has been deprived so long. The addict is starving and will use his entire strength to grab some if given half a chance. Remember this. Remember this. Stay focused.
In a few days, I will be cutting phone usage down to 1 hour a day.
Internet / Computer usage will be work only.
Day by day.
Day 33- Success
Going strong. The mind addict does its own thing, life of its own, playing games and trying to get its fix.
The game is on.
Be strong, be wise.
Whole new man at 30. Now is the time. No reverting. No disappointing self. No excuses.
Day by day.
Day 34 - Success
Renewed effort from tomorrow, will be adding additional stipulations to the rest of the 100 days, to make sure its as 'good' as possible.
Too many times i've made it here before to just slip back into comfort and a weaker state, to then forget what this feels like.
Renewed efforts are needed throughout the process.
Its still early days, I have to treat each day as day one.
Day by day.
Day 35 - Success
Back to the grind.
You made it 35 days! Every fucking day you've written here. Great start. But its only the start.
remember porn will weaken your mind, it'll fry it and keep you in a state of fog. You'll get nothing done and youll hide away from problems. youll let tehm compound and keep growing until you have no idea what to do.
Fuck porn. Fuck sexting and fuck having an unhealthy mind and relationship with yourself.
Be all you can fucking be.
Day by day.
Day 36 - Success
Still am far away from it being over.
Still having sexual thoughts, although less so. Feel like I'm not in control than before. Much less fog than before. Still have more of a tendency to escape when there is an emotionally draining situation.
Been a lot of those recently.
Proud for not giving in and staying strong thus far.
Can't let porn, sexting consume me and keep me in the fog. Healthy brain, best version of me is on its way. There is no room for error now. With everything going on, I need to be all I can be.
Keep going and keep moving through it all. Keep revising what you know and remembering every day. Dont get complacent. Dont get complacent. You get a bit 'stronger' and forget why you put certain rules and 'habits' in place. Stay the course. Stay the course. Stay the course.
Best version of you!!! Dont let yourself down.
Help yourself then Help Others.
Anyone reading this. You can do it too. Take it moment by moment if you have to. Dont listen to your mind at all for the first 30 days. It has a tendency to trick you. False logics. Fuck all that. A better version of you is waiting.
Day by day.
Day 37 - Success
There is something deeper down that knows I could be doing better with this reset. I still think there are ties or unhealthy elements of the sexting remaining.
I will make these adjustments and move forward.
Ultimately I have to happy with myself at the end of this (whenever that is) and be happy with what I did, knowing I didn't cut any corners. Gave it my all.
Pain now, reward later.
Porn days was reward now, avoid pain always. Lol. Fuck that shit. Its not real life.
The delusions we allow ourselves to believe when we are caught in that horrible web. I know I see clearer now than 37 days ago, but I know I'm not even close to being done and more realisations and clarity is yet to come.
But those delusions are strong and just keep us weak. Fuck being weak. Fuck avoiding real life and tricking yourself into thinking your banging loads of super hot chicks - thats really what your brain believes. Why the fuck would it be motivated to take on any challenges (that are necessary and prevalent) if it thinks life is fucking amazing (no pun intended)
So fuck all the delusions.
But getting rid of delusions is painful.
Its a fucking panful process. This will be the first time in my adult life i totally break free of this dependence and its scares the shit out of me. Thats why I've stuck and am trying to stick to day by day. If I think further ahead I worry myself that I may not make it through. But I will. Day by day. Day by day.
Put the things in place to help yourself to remove these fears. Firstly fucking remember that there are tons of healthy minded 'successful' men out there who have no porn dependence whatsoever. You'll be fine. Just make it through. No rationalising.
Once a few tasks in my day to day life are over- some crazy times with business and work. Once that is done. I will give myself a true chance of breaking free from it all and move to a flip phone. Spend only necessary time online for small stints of work or journalling.
I can't and won't let myself down.
You're reading a success story in the making.
Day by day.
Day 38 - Success
Life is full of amazing things and goals to accomplish. Stay focused on those. There is no time for sexting and porn when you're chasing your goals.
Keep using the tools.
Keep reminding what and why.
Still waking up horny, still having cravings. There is no magic that makes it disappear. This is a grind. A process. A journey.
Get it fucking done.
Dont make excuses! Dont pick up bad habits as 'alternatives' in the process. No escapism.
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