You guys are right, I will talk to her about her coworker, but I will first calm down and get myself centered first. and I also wanted to say thank you to those of you that consistently like and comment on my posts. It helps more than I let on. Spoiler: Jealousy Here's what nobody else will tell you about jealousy. In its essence, jealousy is nothing but a perceived threat to your relationship. Pop culture pseudo-psychologists will tell you it's just insecurity, but that's another definition we have to explore. Insecurity is when something is not secure. So, what is not secure? Well, your relationship. You don't perceive it to be secure. This doesn't mean something is wrong with you. In the middle ages, if men didn't feel jealous of their partners, others would wonder if they loved those women at all. Jealousy is an emotion, just like anger or sadness. It isn't good or bad, it's your brain signaling you to do something. In this case, jealousy is signaling you to make your relationship more secure, or telling you to do something about it. And, I read books about jealousy. I read enough to know my deal. The fact is, I do feel unworthy at times. Let's face it, i'm on a board for porn addicts. That doesn't exactly make me feel like a catch. On the other hand, I've been cheated on. And I know enough about cheating to tell you that it has absolutely nothing to do with your value. And, I have stories, but they're a bit long and not so useful. But the point is, cheating can happen in a loving relationship, and it can happen in the rough ones also. Cheating is not as spontaneous as some might think. Spoiler: Concerns --->and that is why I haven't spoken to her. Because I know that the relationship feels not-secure to me. At least part of it is that I feel unworthy. although she is a sweet and loving person, her compulsive behavior and love of being sensual concern me at times. It has concerned me for months before even hearing about this coworker. And that's where i'm stuck. I don't have an objective 'ruler' I can hold up to her personality to gauge her likelihood to cheat. Maybe i'm overreacting. Maybe I'm in the middle of porn withdrawal and can't think straight. Or, maybe I have a point.