1 Relapse. My journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by flyinhigh43, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    So far I have been Porn free for 30 days. But I did MO but only to thoughts of recent sexual adventures. I thought this was going to be a lot easier. I dont really have a problem not looking at porn, but after the first 15 days i made it PMO free, i broke down and MO'd. since that day till now, its like i can only go 2-3 days without MO'ing.

    Can I still recover this way? I continue to feel better everyday I dont look at porn. I know I probably shouldn't MO, and I will continue to try not to.

    Thats my stuggle, not the porn, just the orgasm. Maybe Ill make a new rule : No Masturbating/orgasm unless with female contact?

    Anyways I'll keep posting here. Definitely could use the support. I come on here everytime I feel like im struggling.


    STATS:


    30 Days porn free

    1 day PMO FREE
     
  2. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    Good luck man, just keep going and stay strong. try to resist the temptations and urges, they can creep up on you when u not expecting them.
     
  3. TheMeanFiddler

    TheMeanFiddler New Member

    Welcome aboard!
    This is my goal too. Unfortunately, after 45 days, it has made me realise how bloody single I really am :p

    I am curious though, why are you here? You said you had past sexual adventures, so everything works ok I am guess?
    You didn't give us any goals! :)
     
  4. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    I have been porn free for 51 days. As far as I am concerned there will never be a slip up there.


    However since i started the no PMO run 51 days ago, I have only got up to day 15 3 times and end up masturbating (no fantasy, just off of stimulation alone with thoughts of past encounters)...

    Today is day 15 again, and Im struggling. I want to M so fucking bad. But I wont..... sigh...

    I had an encounter with a female a week and a half ago, and we had sex a few times, but I noticed my erection was different every night. Sometimes I couldnt get above a 50% erection, some nights i was at 70%, and so on.... The thing that worries me is I still havent felt that 95-100% rock hard erection yet. It sometimes comes in mornings now, but it didnt ever when I was with the girl.

    I think some anxiety could play a part as that was the 3rd girl I have ever had sex with but not sure. I am not trying to hook up with any girls from now untill I get my no MO streak up to 100.

    Ive noticed I might have to quit smoking weed as whenever I smoke I get so damn horny.
     
  5. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    It finally occurred to me after reading other threads, that My subtle headache I have been getting is probably from no PMO... This headache sucks.

    Sex drive is pretty low right now, almost nothing. But thats expected I suppose.

    Ill keep posting updates. This may not be the best journal, its more for my sake, but feel free to comment.
     
  6. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    Still going strong. I stopped counting the days. I only can remember if I look at my original post date.

    Things are going good. I think i can continue my no PMO streak till 120 days. However, I feel that the lack of physical contact from women might make me go a little crazy round day 80 or so. But we will see.

    If 80 days doesnt help me I dont see what will, so I wouldnt be ashamed of stopping it short, assuming everything is working down there.
     
  7. iDominant

    iDominant Eh, Shitt happens ~

    Right, You shouldn't feel ashamed if you wanna stop short. But are you sure you want to continue this, and end up at a age where your regret and worry is twice as bad. If you need to keep track of your record, ive found an app that can help ya if you need it. 80 days sound pretty doable, Good Luck :3
     
  8. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    Ugh... oh the temptations to MO right now. If I am going to break the streak (59 days free of porn 23 days of no MO) It would be to only real experiences with women Ive had, no visual stimulation.

    But im trying to hold this out as long as possible.


    MY goal is 80 days no PMO.... Today is day 23

    Find it a little hard to sleep now, restless. Even if I workout and am exhausted, its hard to fall asleep. Although it is 97 degrees everyday and my room is fu**ing hot! It sucks knowing if I never relapsed, today would be day 59 of no PMO.... But o well. Thats the price I pay. I think I may be overdoing this all, maybe my problem isnt as bad as I thought. But I know this will only help me in the long run and make me a better person.

    I have found my interests in girls to grow, and Im not as shallow as I used to be. Mainly because I realize what real women look like as opposed to those fake porn stars.

    Ill keep updating!
     
  9. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    I believe it is day 32 no PMO, and day 68 no porn.

    These last 10 days have definitely been hard. I am really noticing how beautiful girls are. I have a girl that wants to fly me out to see her, but i really want to make my goal of 80 days. Im pretty damn horny at times.

    I know sex with a real person is encouraged, but something tells me I will get more out of this if i continue to abstain.

    My porn cravings are 85% gone. I say that because when im a lone in my room with nothing to do, it always is in the back of my head for a nice session of PMO. But it comes and goes very quickly.

    Morning erections are happening more frequent, and just at the thought of past sexual encounters I am now feeling action instantly down there. Only to cease thoughts immediately before i get a full blown erection.

    Life is definitely getting better. Confidence has gone up, mindset about life has changed. Stress. Stress has definitely gone down. I no longer feel the need to have to drink every night, or have to smoke weed 2-3 times a day. Im becoming more "high on life" shall you say? I still occasional have a beer now and again, but nothing like i used to. I also have increased workout intensity and frequency, which is making me look and feel a lot better.


    All I can say is that this battle will never be over. Even when I hit my goal of 80 days I will never masturbate to P again. The frequency of M's in a month will be limited. Nothing good can come out of wanking it 2 times a day. Or every day for that matter.

    "Everything in Moderation" was my rule. I didnt even realize I had been breaking it for so long.

    Side note. Still have not had a wet dream after 32 days of no PMO.

    Good luck to everyone else out there.
     
  10. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    Day 36 MO free. Day 72 Porn free.


    Finding my emotions getting a little bit mixed up now. Mood swings from happy to sad seem to be hitting me. At these times I really feel the urge to MO. I started porn when I Was 13. Thats 7 years of brain damage.

    Is it fixable? I hope so.

    I am having the absolute HARDEST time falling asleep. Im not kidding. I wake up every night 3hrs into my sleep. It takes me another hr to go back to sleep, and I constantly come in and out of dream state. Unless i kill myself with cardio before bed I cant get a good night sleep. I have been working out a lot as it is, but unless I work out RIGHT before bed, I am doomed.

    Its pretty hot in my room, and where I live, but I think its my brain telling me to rub one out or to look at porn and then go back to sleep.


    Im sure there will be a day where I MO on my own again (not to porn of course) but even so, I would like to make it till christmas vacation (DEC 12?) when I get to see a girl I am kind of in a long distance relationship with. Hope I can make it that long. I am not sure if im in a flatline, as if i take a few tugs down there, Im instantly inclined to go the full way, but immediately stop myself.

    I never thought Id make it to 5 weeks. I really wish I could say this is day 72 PMO free, but its only 36. I think I owe it to myself to make it to 100 days PMO free.. I think I can make that mark before I will be with a girl again.
     
  11. flyinhigh43

    flyinhigh43 New Member

    91 days free of porn.... 8 days free of MO.

    I relapsed.

    I made it to 50 days no MO. But i came down with a gnarly case of strep throat. Once of the worst I've ever had. Could even swallow, Had to go to Emergency room to get antibiotics ASAP. Anyways, woke up the 3rd morning of being sick and rubbed one out. Felt great. I figured 50 days I deserve something. It truly helped the pain.

    took about 20 seconds, and had no chaser effect lol.

    Definitely was needed, and definitely made me feel better afterwards. The sore throat was the worst pain i've felt in years. Wanted to get to 90-100 days No MO but i dont think thats possible. Between having girls do it for you, having sex, I just dont see it happening. Or the occasional wank every 2-3 weeks, I think 50 days was a good goal after multiple 2 week relapses. I have done a lot of rebooting and am pretty sure im healed.

    As long as I remain away from porn (the easy part), I dont see a little M or O once or twice a month hurting me.

    I feel as though my reboot is complete and now time to live a regular life. No need to get caught up on relapsing for MO. Ive abstained enough, and will continue to so if my brain does need more re-wiring it will do so in the next 70 years of my life since im living it a different way now.

    Its possible fellas, but as anything is it was pretty hard for me.

    Advice :


    Dont even have an MO counter. Porn is the enemy. Count no P. Jerk 100x a day to thoughts if you want. Just no porn. Eventually you will taper that off and hopefully get it around to 2-5 times a month. The healing will go so much faster. But the fact that your not looking at porn is the key.

    Good luck everyone.
     

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