Journal for mutual support 3.0

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CidGuerreiro, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    FFS, MO'd AGAIN in bed. There's no other way, I have to set the alarm clock for earlier.

    I feel like I've lost sensitivity, but the erections are still strong. Also, I MO'd thinking mostly about girls I know (Lulu included) in a realistic scenario.

    I'm using MO to suppress anxiety and that sucks, but still better than PMO, I suppose.
     
  2. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    The first paragraph illustrates an important key to battling PMO. Motivation. Lulu is your reason not to PMO right now. It works the same way for me and a lot of us here. If you dangle a carrot in front of us, we'll stay on the straight and narrow path.

    As far as a date with Lulu, be proactive. Women want a guy that takes charge. Pick a day and time, and ask her out. If you wait for her to give you more signals, or for the timing to be "right", this thing could be dead before it gets off the ground.

    You seem to be MO'ing a lot these last couple days. From where I sit, this is you self-sabotaging your chances with Lulu and wanting to stay in your comfort zone. You'll start coming up with excuses like "I MO'd twice this weekend, I'm losing sensitivity, Lulu will have to wait". Cut the bullshit now or you are going to regret it later.
     
  3. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    While I perfectly understand how Lulu can keep you away from porn, I don't understand why anyone would indulge in porn if there is no female prospect around.

    You should be thinking long term about future girls. If there is no female around, you should still stay away from porn so that your brain is not FUCKED UP when you do end up meeting a new woman.
     
  4. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    @tsmith1302: agree, I won't wait for her to set the day. I just don't want to sound pushy and anxious for the day to come. I'm gonna keep cool for a few days, just chatting with her, then tell her we should go out next weekend.

    And yes, part of me wants to sabotage my own chances, so I can stay at home basking in porn and grief. I'm fully aware of that, which is why keeping clean is so important right now. I don't want to give my lizard brain any more power than it already holds.

    @TheUnderdog: as you probably already now, our brains don't perceive our present and future selves as the same person. That's why it so easy to kick the bucket and not to think about the consequences. Anyway, I was investing in the future during those 90+ days, but I've spent my patience and after the relapse it's hard to see reason not to PMO.

    "I was clean for 90 days and nothing happened, a few days more won't make a difference". You said it yourself that you were only truly able to drop the hookers once you found a girlfriend. It's the same for porn on my case. It's not really about the release, it's the psychological effect of PMO.

    Thanks for commenting, guys.
     
  5. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    But you should still try to do your best to quit porn, even if there are no female prospects around, instead of just thinking "I did 90 days and nothing happened, I guess I'll keep watching porn for now."

    By the way I don't understand what you mean by "nothing happened". What exactly did you expect to happen?
     
  6. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    I wasn't expecting to get laid at day 90 or to become a sex guru overnight. I just expected that at this point there would be something, anything happening in my love/sex life.

    But there was nothing. I had just lost Pam (already deleted her number from my phone), Lulu wasn't giving me any good signs, and I went to a party full of pretty girls, only to come back home without talking to any of them.

    I was at my limit and needed something to carry on. I had nothing, so I gave up for the time being. Now I "have" Lulu, which is why I'm doing some effort to keep in shape.
     
  7. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    You won't burst your chains by making yourself dependent to LuLu, man. She can only support you, but there's no way that she fixes your issues in any way. Let's assume that you can get her into a relationship. In my opinion, nothing would change then. Only if you can cope with your "mental problems". The change starts within your head. Live your life as a free man - in any way. Nevertheless you should try your best with that girl. Wishing you all the best. ;)
     
  8. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    Well, I don't expect her to fix my problems. I just want a girlfriend, lol. I want this since I was a kid watching Disney movies, many years before porn. This need for companionship is deep within me since I can remember.

    I know I have some underlying issues that only I can take care of. I don't expect anyone to do it for me. I just don't want to cope with loneliness and frustration while I work on myself to become a better person.
     
  9. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    I'm pretty sure we've talked about this before (I can't recall) - but why are you so obsessed with having a relationship? Every time the issue comes up it seems like it'll be your salvation. Is it just loneliness or is there more to it? I just don't think it's healthy to pinch all your hopes on this man. I'm worried about you.
     
  10. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    All my life I've idolized relationships. When I was in school I'd think that having a cute girlfriend was the highest success in life for any young man. And as I've stated, this is not a side-effect of PMO: this is a part of me and no therapy or reboot is gonna change that.

    At this point, all I want is to be able to choose. Choose between a relationship and living a single man's life. That's why I freak out so much when a potential GF shows up: because I don't live a single man's life. Being single = being alone, at least for me. Therefore, a girlfriend solves the problem.

    Never having a GF and never having sex without paying for it makes me feel like half of a man: incomplete, defective and disqualified for women who can choose any guys they want. You have more real sex experience than I do, CleanHands.
     
  11. Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    well i think some people want to be in relationships more then others

    for me relationships make me depressed and unmotivated and generally i hate developing feelings for a girl

    but some people are really more motivated and happier with a girlfriend

    it can really make all the difference

    ive seen it some of my friends
     
  12. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    Had a good talk with Lulu. Everytime we chat via Facebook the conversation goes really well. I don't have to bombard her with questions to keep it going. I don't feel like begging for her attention.

    I feel that there might be really something happening here, and that unless she freaks out and backs down from it, we can become a couple. She's really cute, a petite kind of girl with an innocent look in her eyes. If she puts some effort into looking good for the next few years she can easily become a solid 9, even 10.

    I'm trying not to look desperate to hook up with her, which is why I'll wait a few more days to make the date. I want it to be spontaneous and not look like I can't wait for it.
     
  13. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    The day wasn't as easy as expected. I'm still dealing with the excuses my brain is throwing at me.

    "You're not losing any progress anyway"

    "It'll take no less than a week for you to meet her"

    "She'll probably postone it for weeks!"

    "This is going nowhere!"


    At this point, my fight isn't against porn: it's against self-sabotage. I can't tell how many golden opportunities I've lost because I've sabotaged myself, only to retreat to my comfort zone and wallow in grief and self-loathing. Fuck, my entire life could have been different. Perhaps I wouldn't have become addicted to porn either.

    So I want to be sure I won't back down when the time comes, and that I won't be numbed down and unable to connect with her when we go out. I'm tired of digging my own grave and being afraid of both failure and success.

    To live in fear is not to live at all.
     
  14. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    Just found out that Pam deleted me on Facebook.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    That sucks bro,her loss.

    That tom cruise pic brought a smile to my face though,and today has been fucked...so thanks for that.
     
  16. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    Tom Cruise.. :D

    I guess, we're not supposed to show some compassion? ;D
     
  17. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    cracked up seeing the TC picture.
     
  18. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    Please tell me lulu and pam are made up names?
     
  19. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    LMAO, especially the former!
     
  20. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Journal for mutual support 2.0

    Cid, maybe you should stop dating girls with such terrible names.
     

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