Dopamine Wars

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by tsmith1302, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Only 1-2 reasons a girl starts texting you who is recently single and has a sexual history with you.

    1. She wants the D
    2. She wants the attention

    Hope you can make it workout for yourself.
     
  2. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    This is a really good point. Make yourself seem like a baller tsmith. Like you're getting laid/attention from women all around you, that although you respect her, she's only a blip on your radar. I think this is the best way to go with that chick and considering the situation. However that is difficult to portray over text, but definitely doable.
     
  3. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    I don't know about you Hands, but the more I delve into things like WOTSM or NMMNG I feel that it's really about us, as men, sticking to out principles instead of trying to figure out the female mind. If you think x is correct then don't be afraid to state that x is correct in front of her instead of saying y is correct because that's what she thinks

    One of my hobbies since I started rebooting is just to observe people, including women, and how they behave. It amazes me how much they:
    1. Change their minds before making a decision and second guess themselves once a decision is made.

    2. Will try to get you to change your opinion/decision/stance/etc.

    I guess all the things about the guy being strong/decisive/taking charge/the leader/alpha/whatever you want call it, especially in a social situation comes down to: They can't be the strong/decisive/take charge/leader/alpha/whatever so can you?
     
  4. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Of course man! It really goes back to the classic "just be yourself" saying. I think with just that in mind, one doesn't need all those other philosophical shenanigans to be mediocrely successful with women.
     
  5. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    I feel the addiction slowly dying. I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of joining YBR, and in that year my addiction is now a shell of itself. It's been a non-linear process, with relapses and flair ups and highs and lows. But as it stands - I'm way less into P, camming and even masturbation than ever before.

    I've basically MO'd once since a week ago, and that was on Sunday. For a guy like me to go from jacking off three times a day to once in seven days is significant progress. I also haven't been peeking and have been spending minimal time on dating/ escort sites.

    The less I feed my addiction, the more it becomes old hat and irrelevant. Every time I've had a sexual experience in the past, I used to obsess about it and fantasize and then fantasize some more and then seek out another sexual experience. Don't get me wrong, I still have what I consider a healthy sex drive... it's just that getting a sexual favor from a stripper is not the mindblowing thing it was once. I guess I'm getting "broken in" so to speak, as I've gone from a 26 year old virgin to somebody who's had his fair share of foreplay encounters (most of them paid for, but that's beside the point).

    So yea, I'm gonna keep plugging away. As long as I can stay busy, which is really key, I should be able to relegate masturbation frequency to something acceptable and cut out PMO all together. I'm not on this forum as much any more, because the less time I spend thinking about porn, the better.
     
  6. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Congratulations on breaking your record, man. Yeah, your presence here have lessened somewhat.

    On the addiction slowly dying: I'm going to sound skeptical but I hope this is as true for you at 63 days as it is after a relapse if/when it happens. It's just a pattern that I've identified with myself especially in recent times. When I'm on a good run, it feels like the addiction's going but when shit hits the fan, it gets difficult again and it doesn't feel as though the addiction's loosened up. There's just some things you say 60 days after your last relapse that you wouldn't say 60 minutes after your last one. I hope I'm wrong with you.

    I think not treating sex like a big deal is a good thing. I know you have more experience than me in that department, but it just means one less thing to stress about and one less thing to worry about as you reboot. Probably not a coincidence that my purest run of no PMO/MO for 45 days was built on the theme of putting less value on the question of where or not I'm going to get laid.
     
  7. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    You could be right. All I know is right now, I'm in an upswing and I'm grateful for that.

    Actually, it's not so much as an upswing... it's just that I don't care about porn or camming that much. I don't feel the need for constant stimulation. It's not pushing my buttons like it used to. Whether or not a relapse will make me as vulnerable as I once was remains to be seen. Given the nature of the beast, I wouldn't be shocked if you are right.

    Don't get me wrong, I still want to have (good) sex in the worst way. That desire remains. I've just lost the unfiltered, constant and unhealthy obsession with all things sexual.

    You'll probably go through the same motions I do, when you have some new sexual experiences, whether or not they are even gratifying. It's very stimulating in the beginning and your brain will go into a tizzy. After how many months it starts to fade away, or at least I have a better perspective of things now. I know I can go to the massage parlor or strip club and get "service" any time want. And I still enjoy it, but it's not the earth shattering revelation it once was.
     
  8. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Boring weekends fucking suck. Been battling urges and peeks today. Would have relapsed if my counter wasn't so high. It's a shame, because the last 10 days or so I had NO urges whatsoever. Today they came back sharply.

    I'm very tempted to tell all my friends to go fuck themselves. They never call me, they never make plans and I'm fucking tired of it. Is it that hard for somebody to call me and ask me to chill? Like am I really asking that much??

    Everybody spare me the "How about you call them?" responses. I call/ text them all the time. And spare me the "Do they know you feel this way?" responses. Yes they do, and secondly, they should be calling me to make plans ANY WAY. Not because I want them to. I'm not sure how else I can get the point across to these assholes, other than telling them I'm angry about it and/ or just cutting off communication with them.

    But I'll be fucking damned if I spend another weekend bored, at home, jacking off.
     
  9. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    One mindset that I want to get out of is the "I have to do it with my friends or else I'm not doing it". Man Of Steel just premiered down here and I know my group of my friends have marked it as something we want to watch together. For one reason or another that didn't become a reality so I went ahead and watched it by myself.
     
  10. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    You need new friends. Go to new places by yourself and meet new ones. Easier said than done, but still better than relying on those douchebags.
     
  11. Aussie_85

    Aussie_85 Guest

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Know exactly what boring weekends is like.It's my own worst enemy now - the friends thing i totally relate to as well.They started only ringing me when they wanted something - movies.I'm the movies guy,so i ended that - i just told people my mac was fucked and guess what? no more phone calls,no more TXT's lol.

    there is a difference between people being assholes,and just being heaps to busy - i know my mates are just dickheads going nowhere in life and there all selfish bastards - i need new friends and the idea of meeting new people brings me down even more.
     
  12. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Keep the counter going as long as possible, man. That's the only fuel you got left in the tank. Once you use that up, it's time to reboot for real.
     
  13. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Agreed, I'm desperately clinging to my counter right now. Hopefully I can hit 90 days. Then I will probably start another phase, a much cleaner additional 90 days, with a big emphasis on not peeking. If I can do that, there's no way in hell I'm not "rebooted". As it stands right now, I'd say I'm no longer addicted, but still susceptible to cravings.

    I'm in better spirits today. You could tell in my journal entry last night how bitter I was feeling. Usually I'm a more positive person. Re: My friends, I know none of them are being malicious. For that reason, it may not be fair of me to call them assholes. They're just busy and self-sufficient. Plus I live kinda far from them now. So I get the short end of the stick.

    It is what it is... there is nothing I want more than new friends... it's just very difficult to go out and meet people. I live close enough to my old friends where we can see each other, but far enough that it's not convenient or readily done. It's a shitty gray area basically. And it's killing my social life.

    One good observation, I've noticed basketball... following it, watching it, playing it... actually makes me happy again. I watch bball videos and then I go and play....similar to a porn ritual of peeking then PMO'ing haha. I tell ya, when I was deep into my porn/ CR funk, basketball didn't do anything for me. Neither did music, or anything else really. Everything sucked and I just didn't care. Now I'm finding the joy in them again. It comes and goes though, some days are "brighter" than others.
     
  14. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    I can relate to small, everyday things looking nice and fun again. In fact, I was reading some older entries from my own journal and life doesn't seem as gray as it used to be. Man, that was depressing.

    I'd advise you to do something about the peeking right now, or else you might end up building tension and relapsing right after day 90, pretty much as I did.
     
  15. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    What can I do though?

    It's not like I want to peek. I'm not giving myself 5 peeks a day. I just end up doing it because I'm bullshitting online, or bored, or whatever... and peeking all the sudden seems like a good idea.

    You can tell me not to peek, I can say I'm not going to peek, but it's still going to happen until I can heal whatever part of my brain is telling me to peek. Having said that, I peek way less than I used to. And I haven't peeked at work (which was really troublesome behavior) in at least a month.
     
  16. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Have K9 set to block adult content and "Open Image/Media Search", and set your browser to not show any images. That's what I've been doing and it's working wonders. It also helps with "bullshitting online" because mindless browsing is pretty much impossible without images.
     
  17. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Feeling very relaxed and focused the last week, generally speaking.

    Urges and the addiction aren't gone, but at an all-time low.
     
  18. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Woke up really early this morning, around 4am. I was on 3.5 days No MO. MO'd to fall back asleep and it worked like a charm. Not MO'ing definitely affects my sleeping patterns for what it's worth.

    Was kinda irritable today. Bit my nails a lot. Got through the day though.

    I've been smoking pot the last two nights... not sure if this helps my reboot or hurts it. I'm assuming the latter, gonna make sure I don't get carried away and smoke more than I should. I do OK with weed in small amounts, not so good when I smoke often. It is what it is. Not really related to PMO in my opinion, but not helpful either.

    P/CR urges are very under control. Definitely gaining some mental momentum the last few days. I don't feel like Superman, but I feel like I'm starting to really heal.
     
  19. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Edit: Had some MO urges just now. Didn't fight them. OK with it for now as long as there's no P involved.
     
  20. geniussy

    geniussy Guest

    Re: Back For More: New Journal, New Goals, New Man

    Seems you are more addicted to MO than to P and I'm sure you are aware of that. It's time to stop. You might not see anything new at your 90th day if you continue MO'ing...

    I don't know what people know about this addiction but they act like there is no prob with M. M is like P but just at a lower level.
     

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